Ten Things to Consider When Parenting Adolescent Boys.

Are you trying to figure out how to handle a teenage boy? Any parent may find the adolescent years to be somewhat difficult. When your child begins to establish their independence, there will always be pushes and pulls, sometimes in unsafe or improper ways. Even though they usually won’t act like it, teenage guys still very much need your attention, guidance, and regulations as parents. Raising teenage boys presents a unique set of difficulties for parents.

Boys frequently begin to close down and stop talking to you in the same way as they did when they get older. They are experimenting to observe how things function and what kind of response they receive. Adolescents may have a rush to explore new things.

As infants begin to navigate the environment, it comes naturally for them to frequently imitate actions they witness. There may be some excellent exploring here, but there may also be some bad stuff. Even though they aren’t fully aware of it yet, the lessons they are learning will help them become the fine men they will be in the future.

It’s not easy to raise teenage boys. Often, parents are left to try to figure out how to connect with their adolescent boys. Adolescent boys require a space to explore and develop in a healthy manner.

As part of this, teenagers should be encouraged to get plenty of healthy exercise as a way to release stress and handle the extra testosterone that their teen bodies are not entirely used to yet. Furthermore, it is important for teenage boys to have clear boundaries. Additionally, teens need to know they can come to you to talk about important issues or questions without being shamed.

Provide Action Oriented Feedback

According to Dr. Robin Alter, when parenting boys, “we must be more action oriented and less verbal.” He argues that boys tend to respect action more than just words. As parents, we can keep this in mind by demonstrating our own positive examples of the behavior we wish to see.

We can also use a more action oriented approach in asking for the behaviors we want that will demonstrate the quality we wish to see. For example, “Show me by your actions that you are sorry,” instead of a critical, “You are so irresponsible” without instructions for action to achieve being responsible.

In general, while parenting teen boys, remember you are trying to build them up. You want to show teens the ideals they should aspire to achieve. Don’t shout at, nag, or shame teenage boys. Instead, set clear expectations and offer encouragement. Have rules and do enforce the rules with reasonable consequences. Help them realize they can do better and they can show you that with how they handle the same situation next time.

Remove Entitlement

When raising teenage boys, remember they are learning life lessons but what they are experiencing in our homes. If they don’t work and everything they could want is provided for them, they are learning that it is nice when someone else does everything for you. They are thinking that is the natural, normal order of things. This message of over entitlement may not be the one you really want them to be learning.

We often give our kids things because we think it’ll make them happy and make them love us more. In reality, it just creates a sense of entitlement and sometimes it even results in low self-esteem because they aren’t working to achieve things themselves. Instead, set boundaries for teens and make them work for what they want. Encourage them to get a part-time job to help pay for the car they want. They should do chores to help out around the house and be part of your family “team.” Working to earn money or even privileges teaches teenagers to have respect and responsibility for what they have.

Teach Empathy

One of the fundamental principles that doesn’t seem to be as prevalent in our society these days is empathy. Teach teenage guys that they may relate to and understand others without having to go through their suffering. Talk about recent occurrences and regional news articles. Find out what emotions these stories evoke in them. Set a positive example for behaviour and share your thoughts on similar circumstances. Take note of the times when they hold the door open or pick up rubbish instead of dropping it. Give them praise when they behave well to let them know that their efforts are observed and valued. Reward them for their wonderful work.

Don’t Look for Instant Compliance

Your teenage son is starting to have a life of his own and do things that are just as important to him as your activities are to you. It’s okay to ask him to do something for you, but don’t get upset when he doesn’t drop what he’s doing to comply instantly. Respect the fact that he needs a minute or two to finish what he’s doing. You can say something like, “when you finish texting your friend, please take the trash out.” Showing respect for them will help them to show more respect for you and others.

Be Flexible With Your Teen Boy

It may be hard to accept, but your way may not always be the best way, and it is certainly not the only way. Shocking, I know! Sometimes, you have to let your child learn things for themselves. They may end up choosing your way as the best way in the end. However, let them try and fail and figure things out for themselves on small things. Learning that it is ok to fail and to always try again is an important life lesson. Be open to looking at things from a different viewpoint, hearing what your teenage son has to say, and trying to see their point of view. They might even have a better way, on occasion!

Handling Feelings And Acts Aggressively

Due to their new experiences and fluctuating hormone levels, teenagers are all susceptible to mood swings. The hormone testosterone is present in larger concentrations in boys in particular. Although this is excellent for their physical developments, it may result in behavioural modifications.

According to studies, boys’ testosterone production increases by about 30 times during puberty. This rise is frequently connected to behavioural and mood shifts that occur during adolescence, including aggression, increased risk-taking, and sadness. It is critical to understand that this is a common occurrence. That does not, however, imply that undesirable behaviors—especially violent ones—should be disregarded.

Talk About The Pitfalls Before They Happen

We all know that the teenage years have typical pitfalls such as peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, or running with the wrong crowds. It is important to talk about these things before they come up. They should know your expectations and have clear rules. They should understand the possible consequences of risky behaviors and poor decisions. There should be a clear understanding that you will take away privileges if they break rules.

Talk To Your Teenage Boy About Girls

Adolescence is a time of change and undoubtedly, they will begin to pay more attention to girls than ever before. They need to understand how to treat teenage girls like ladies. They should understand the basics of behaving like a gentleman. Parents also need to have a dating and sex talk with their boys. Do not assume your teenage boys know everything until you tell them. Help them learn what healthy relationships look like. Talk about your expectations, discuss dangers of getting swept away, set limits, and answer their questions.

Help Them Plan, But Don’t Do It For Them

When parenting teen boys, it can seem like you need to run the show to make sure the right things happen. If your son seems lazy to you, remember that they are going through a lot of change. They need to be empowered to believe in themselves. Clinical psychologist Adam Price is the author of a helpful book that provides great strategies to reduce your involvement while encouraging theirs.

Yes, this is a big time for teenage boys. The high school years are important years and they will begin to think about colleges and career paths. Help them with this process BUT respect that they need to be in charge. This is your son’s life and they need to be able to be an active participant, not just sitting in the passenger seat. As they become young adults, you need to be handing over the reins and watching to make sure they know how to use them!

Just Listen and Notice Changes In Behavior

Your son probably already knows many of your opinions on the world. Teens already know that you want them to pick up their dirty socks, and what’s expected of them in school. What they really need from you is someone that will just listen. Make time for them, whether it’s early in the morning as you’re having breakfast together, or late at night when the rest of the house is asleep. Take time to ask about them. Ask teen boys what they think about things, what they want for themselves, what might be upsetting them or making them happy. Create a safe space for them to feel heard and understood.

And while you are listening you are making them feel heard and important. You are showing them you care. You are teaching them how to be good listeners. Furthermore, you are also creating a good baseline on their feeling and way of communicating. If there are sudden changes in behavior, you are more likely to notice them. You can ask about how things are going and make sure they know they can talk to you about anything.